Whose right is it to tell a boy what it means to be a man? I believe it is a father’s right and responsibility to teach a boy what it means to be a man. If a father is not intentional and vigilant in the formation of his son’s vision of manhood, then by default the world around us will do it for him. This is a dangerous choice. No decision is a decision to allow your child’s manhood to be formed by a fallen world. The voices in the world are getting louder and flashier in their delivery of their version of truth.
For centuries, it was customary for cultures to have ritual ceremonies to recognize a boy becoming a man. A boy may be sent off into the wild and told to come back after he made his kill of meat. He would drag the animal into the tribe or community. And they’d share the meal together. It was understood by the boy, who was becoming the man, and the rest of the community that he now has left the way of the child behind and now embraces the life of the man. This meant no more sleeping in when it was harvest time. If a battle ensued, he was now expected to pick up his sword instead of hiding with the women and children, etc. The Jewish community celebrates a Bar or Bat Mitzvah for Jewish boys and girls when they reach the age of 12 or 13 to mark the time when a boy or girl becomes a Jewish adult. A Quinceanera is a similar event for young girls.
The “Boys to Men” ceremony is a fun and creative way for fathers to help their sons in the process of going from a boy to a man. This ritual is very intentional, and on purpose. The dad and men of his choosing get to tell the boy what it means to be a real man.
In addition to the boy’s father, there is a team – a community of men who partake in the ceremony in teaching the boy about what a real man is. The dad chooses this team of men. I chose four or five good men to share their wisdom with my son. It may be your priest, a trusted coach, a male teacher, an uncle, grandfathers, or older siblings. The important trait to look for is men who think in a like-minded manner and will give the boy good advice. Look for men with wisdom. I facilitated this ceremony with my son and the group of men. The group of men was different each time, based on which of my five sons’ turn it was. The ritual is unique to your son. The format will be the same with each boy, but the group of men speakers and the activities surrounding this ritual should be tailored to your son’s personality.
Man was formed by the wilderness. Men are wild at heart. We have a connection to the earth that is primordial and instinctive. I suggest you do the ceremony in the wild – at a cabin or hunting shack, or a lake place or around a campfire with tents in the woods. It should not be at a hotel in a room next to the spa.
How to set up the Celebration Ritual:
In my experience it has worked best if it is a surprise. We did ours at night in a remote cabin. It was a special place that they will always remember. Each of the adult male mentors got a chance to talk with my son for as long as they needed. I noticed that as the years went on, with each successive son, the older brother’s talks got longer and more elaborate. With age comes wisdom, and they’d had a couple more years to think about what they wanted to say to the next brother. The boys didn’t know there were other people present other than the man they were talking to. They were further surprised as each new man came to talk to them. By the end of the night, I and four or five other men gave my boy insight as to what it meant to be a real man. I chose to invite my son to engage in a manly activity after the talks. We stayed overnight in the cabin and went pheasant hunting the next morning. You can choose to go fishing, hiking, rock climbing, ziplining, or whatever manly activity is enjoyable for your son. An outdoor activity seems to work well.
Final tips to help your son be a good man:
Enjoy your new man of the family. Encourage him constantly with positive man-words like, “You are an animal!” “What a machine!” “Way to go, Stud!” Fathers must take stewardship over their sons. “Train up your child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Prov.22:6