My boys grew up on a family farm, working alongside their dad and grandpa. Some of my most cherished memories are of the family part of the family business—son #2 waiting at the end of the driveway for Grandpa to pick him up to “help” or son #1, tool in hand, working underneath a piece of equipment next to dad. The experiences and bonds built through the family business are invaluable but being part of a family business can also be challenging. Although a farm is a certain type of family business, the lessons I learned as part of that system span industries.
A family business offers many benefits to families. Working together can create deep bonds as parents and children share skills, solve problems, enjoy success, and learn from failure. The lessons learned while working with family include work ethic, compromise, business specific skills, and, most importantly, communication. To have a successful business and a successful family, all parties must communicate and establish accepted norms.
As a married-in partner to the family business, I saw many of the accepted norms that the family just assumed. Avoiding talking about business at family holidays, for example, was a custom from which the family rarely deviated. It was a way to (attempt) to separate family time and work time. Children participating in work was also expected and each generation had to manage expectations for their children. Should a child work instead of participating in sports or after school events? Were weekend hours expected? For each family, the answers were different and occasionally those differences caused conflict.
The most important part of being part of a family business, either directly or indirectly, is communication. The more everyone communicates, the easier it will be. For example, if a parent is a partner in a business, discuss the expectations for children with the other partners. This will help ease frustration due to different expectations. If parent A expects the children to work 5 hours a week, and partner B expects them to work 20 hours a week, those differing expectations can cause conflict. Clearly defining expectations will lessen conflict and improve the work atmosphere for everyone.
Communication should include an understanding of roles. At times, it’s hard to be a dad and an employer, for example. As an employer, you expect your worker to arrive at work on time, but as dad you might understand your child was sick or out late with friends. Navigating differing and sometimes conflicting roles is challenging. Being open with family is essential; explain to your child, for example, the conflict you feel between being an employer and parent. Discuss how you may resolve the conflict. You may be surprised at the suggestions you develop when you work together to mediate different roles.
Finally, be patient. Working with family members can be difficult for the same reason it can be wonderful—you know each other well! Grandparents, parents, children, and siblings often know just how to annoy and test each other, in ways non-family co-workers would not. Be aware of when a family member is testy or tired; if possible, clearly name people’s different needs. One of my sons needs time to blow off steam when frustrated; once that was clear to everyone, frustration eased. Everyone has different work styles, tolerances, skills and talents. Recognize that and guide people to success. Be patient with each other; discuss problems as they arise and share teasing and laughter as it occurs.
Working in a family business may be challenging but it offers deep rewards. By communicating openly and often and practicing patience, the time spent together in a family business can be a positive experience.
