We may feel loss in any number of ways and all of these ways are valid. When we are in the midst of grief it often feels like we are “supposed” to be or feel or act a certain way. The reality is that grief is a deeply personal journey. Even though there are numerous theories and research on the stages of grief it’s important to remember each person is unique in how they process grief and the complex emotions it brings.
Grief is an often overwhelming sense of sadness and emotional upheaval that may leave you stuck and unable to process or carry on with day-to-day activities. While grief is a natural reaction to loss it seems in our current world pace to be something to get through or move on from. The reality for some is grief is measured in years and not days or weeks. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and it varies depending on your personality, your history, your life experiences, your faith, and the type of loss. The importance of talking about grief and looking at it as a process allows the expression of grief and the experiences surrounding it to be normalized. It’s a significant aspect of life everyone will experience in some way. It’s crucial to be patient with yourself as you grieve and to allow yourself the space to remember and mourn.
In addition to emotional pain and upheaval, feelings of guilt and anger may also show up in the grieving process. You may feel guilty for not saying things you wish you had or vice versa. Feeling a need to blame others for the loss may also surface. Fear of new responsibilities or concerns over finances may have you feeling insecure in the face of loss. Physical symptoms such as fatigue, weight loss or gain, and insomnia can be a part of the grief process.
It can be more important than ever to practice self-care as we are grieving. This is especially true if we were the caregiver for the person who has died. We may already be worn down from caregiving and now have to manage caring for ourselves as we are grieving when we may have stopped caring for ourselves long before this stage. Taking care of yourself in new ways may be helpful in working through grief.
Take care of your physical health. Make sure you are eating foods that fuel you, rest when you can, and try to move your body in small ways. Taking a 3 to 5-minute walk once or twice a day can be a good start if you have not been exercising. If you have been inactive, you may not have the stamina you previously had. Be patient with yourself. Avoid drugs and alcohol to try to change your mood.
Journal about your feelings or your loved one. Having the opportunity to write your feelings and thoughts can be a helpful way to work through grief. Writing our thoughts down on paper slows us down and helps us to reflect. If you find the opportunity, free-write whatever comes to your mind, and don’t worry about spelling or grammar. You may be surprised by the feelings that surface and may see the healing in your journey as you look back at your journal over time. If you have trouble getting started consider a prompt such as “Remember when…” or “My favorite day together was…”
Don’t judge yourself or your feelings. All feelings are valid and they are simply feelings. Grief is intensely personal and you may be surprised by all the emotions that surface. If you feel like crying, or yelling it’s all good. It’s alright to laugh or enjoy moments too. Let go of judgment and feel the feelings.
Try to maintain your routines. There are plenty of challenges in grieving and being able to stay in a routine can help offset some of the issues. Having familiar routines when many things are not “normal” can give comfort.
Seek professional help. If you feel like you are struggling reach out to a mental health professional or speak with your medical doctor for a referral for counseling. Grief can become overwhelming and a trained therapist can assist in working through intense and complex emotions.