Recently, I was preparing a birthday dinner for a family member. I was feeling thankful my family was home. We would soon be sharing a relaxing, delicious meal together. Everything was humming along nicely, until it wasn’t. I realized I had misread the recipe, and my sauce was too thin. It looked more like soup than the mouthwatering, thick alfredo sauce I was aiming for. My meal was quickly spiraling into a disaster. Instead of allowing myself to descend too low I became aware of my inner voice.
Many of us suffer from a critical inner voice. We discount our efforts and shirk off the good we do while wading deep into negative thinking.
Let’s look at this scenario:
You make a dinner that took a good amount of time:
Voice of the inner critic: Well, no one said much, it must not be that good.
Voice of the inner critic: Man, that was hard to make, I stink at cooking.
Voice of the inner critic: That took 3 hours to prepare, and we downed it in 5 minutes, look at all the cleanup that is still needed, such a waste of time!
Our inner critic doesn’t allow us to be enough, it doesn’t see or enjoy our many daily successes and wins. It always raises the bar just out of reach and discounts our efforts.
Learning to observe our inner critic and quiet its voice with a voice of self-compassion will help us to begin to develop self-love and a more positive mindset.
What is self-compassion and how can we offer ourselves more of it?
Self-compassion is simply offering ourselves friendship. By choosing to offer ourselves kindness and compassion we build resiliency and the needed strength to help us face with courage the challenges that come with living.
Self-compassion looks more like this:
You make a dinner that took a good amount of time:
Voice of Self-compassion: No one said much, I did my best, and I hope they liked it.
Voice of Self-compassion: That dinner was tough for me to make, but I am growing in my cooking skills, I’m proud of myself for a job well done.
Voice of Self-compassion: It really took a long time for me to make that meal, I’m glad I invested those hours into caring for myself & my loved ones. I bet next time it will not take as long and I’ll feel more comfortable making it.
We grow our self-compassion by practicing treating ourselves how we would treat a beloved friend. Many of us are rarely critical and judgmental of those we love. We try to cheer our friends up. We plan outings for them when they are going through losses to remind them that they are not alone. We take their side when they are having a difficult time in relationships. Most of us know how to be good friends. Caring for ourselves as we do our beloved friends doesn’t usually come naturally. We must practice self-compassion to become proficient in it.
How many of us are trying something new in our lives, are struggling in our relationships, or are not meeting our life goals? Maybe our dreams are not quite panning out like we had hoped they would? Let’s try using these times to practice being good friends with ourselves. Consider showing up for ourselves like we do for those we love. Showing up using self-compassion will give life to our goals and dreams. Learning to offer ourselves more self-compassion gives us a more positive, uplifting inner dialog and increases our overall well-being.
Consider today to make a plan to show up with more self-compassion. Start by observing your inner voice. Is it critical? Is it kind? If you are hearing a lot of judgment, plan to reframe those critical snarky voices to kind, compassionate thoughts. Learning to laugh at ourselves and value how we show up in the world helps creates a kinder world for everyone.
